I was in a face to face meeting when a guy said that people don’t really quit in the absence of huge problems. He argued that it takes a traumatic event to shock a person into quitting.
I hope he’s wrong.
I have had some pretty screwed up things happen while I was under the influence, but they all ended okay, I never had a problem behind the wheel, and no one ever got hurt, so I suppose I could go with the no regrets, alls well that ends well kind of attitude also.
I suppose I might even be persuaded to think of being stoned as “fun,” although I think that the “fun” of being intoxicated is pretty overrated. But adventurous and exciting? Give me a break. Scuba diving is adventurous and exiting , sky diving is adventurous and exciting, rock climbing is adventurous and exciting, traveling is adventurous and exciting. Going places, meeting people and doing things is adventurous and exciting. Getting together with a bunch of stupid people who are ruining their lives with drugs and alcohol is not adventurous and exciting.
When you quit, you really only guarantee yourself that you will not do drugs or alcohol. You don’t guarantee that life will get better. Life can be pretty random and bad things can happen, whether you are using and drinking or not. You do assure that you will be able to tackle life’s problems with a clear head and the judgment of a sober person, not the judgment of a person who is all strung out or messed up.
You report that you have zero social life, then you explain that drug buddies wrong one another and that’s life. So if the people in drug circles aren’t really friends (and I don’t think that they are, I’ve been in those circles, and I know what the priorities are) then wouldn’t you rather have some real friends? Making friends and meeting people does not happen over night, but I assure you that good people are out there; good people who don’t need to get loaded all the time, and would be happy to have a new friend.
I know two people from a long time ago (can you guess where this is going?).
One is a guy who loves to party. He’s smoked pot and done meth his entire life, he’s a guy who’s always liked to party. He got older, and got married. He never really had a solid career, good jobs have been interrupted by periods of health problems or irresponsible and unreliable behavior. His wife has a good career, and they are actually quite affluent. He recently developed a love affair with vodka, and has been essentially unemployable due to his binges, and erratic behavior due to being drunk all the time. He now buys his marijuana from his son, who smokes marijuana all the time and deals it to support his habit. His wife wants to divorce him and find someone who is not so wrapped up in a lifestyle of drugs and alcohol.
One is a guy who quit drugs and alcohol when he was young. He has an impressive career. He has a loving wife and great kids. He is by no means as affluent as the other family, but his children are articulate and talented. He has a nice home and many adventurous and exciting hobbies. He is the nicest guy in the world, and he is a good friend. Not a drug friend, a good friend.
I can see this is a difficult time for you. Your addictive voice is singing you a siren song, and it’s stupid. Don’t believe it. Good lives take a long time to build, and addictions often deprive people of ever having good lives.
Maybe I’m the pot calling the kettle black. I know that I have a pretty negative outlook sometimes. SMART has a toolbox which provides instructions for disputing irrational beliefs, and I have found this toolbox to be helpful during my recovery.
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I think that some of your ideas here are irrational because you are craving drugs. Do not let your addictions control your life.