When I act ashamed that I did drugs again, everyone's cool with it. When I post that I did drugs and I know I shouldn't have but I had a good time with it anyway, I kinda get told off (usually in a nice-ish way). The "you need to stay away from these situations and be careful" comments, and posts like Keith's in a way are more helpful than a cheerleading section because, as keith hoped it would do, it makes me step back and re-evaluate the situation. But the cheerleading section is useful to reinforce the stuff I did right. It's uncomfortable to be told off for using, but I always have a mixed reaction to my drug use. I know I shouldn't do it, I'm embarrassed about it, but I still had fun. So if I package my story here on SR to only say I feel horrible about it and disgusted with myself (which is 100% true) it looks like I am having the "appropriate" reaction for someone who "relapsed" (whatever that means, exactly) and is trying to get back on track. But the truth is, I've had fun doing drugs every time I've done them even while feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself. Drugs have never stopped being fun for me. Getting drunk/high isn't enough to overshadow the problems they cause, that's all.
I guess I kind of feel like I get told off when I post a more honest account of what happened. And that makes me suspect other people are doing the same thing I sometimes do: package the story so it's acceptable to the folks here on SR and edit out the parts that will get them told off. Am I really the only person on here who acknowledges that my DOC is kind of fun, and that's why I used it, and that's part of why I continue to have problems staying away from it?
If that's the case, should I be here? Is this a useful tool if I feel encouraged to edit out important parts of the story? Is it helpful if I have to read between the lines on others' posts and assume they aren't being 100% honest/forthcoming?
And keith, no worries dude! I thought it was a little harsh but your comments were still helpful. And maybe if they hadn't been so harsh it wouldn't have worked; I didn't take it personally either way. I see your point about the drinking. The meth, not so much. I think the particulars of the situation are probably a little different. But even so I spend a fair amount of time thinking about this and I try to use the help offered even if I don't like the packaging. So thanks, I really don't think you have much to apologize for.
