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Old 07-11-2009, 06:03 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
cassandra2
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Hello Ringlet. Welcome to the boards.

I am so sorry for your loss. I too have been there with my SO and his pill addiction. What has happened to you is not unusual for your situation. Please Please do NOT personalize what has happened. It has nothing to do with you. This is about HIM wanting to do drugs. I would bet money that if he was hiding his smoking that he is hiding ALOT more then you even realize.

Its tragic how the addict turns into something completely different when on drugs. Took me a long time to come to the realization that drugs can and do change people for the worse.

When my SO and I split I spent months trying to figure out or get closure or wrap my brain around what happened. I spent a good long time blaming myself too. I couldnt get to the place where I could just say he is an addict and he is doing what addicts do.

He went into rehab and stayed clean for a few months. Then I could hear his addict thoughts coming out. He was saying things like he could control it now if he took the pills again and that he learned his lesson blah blah. I knew then that its was only a matter of time before he used again.

I stepped way back and let him fall on his own. That was so painful. This whole ride has been horrible. Just horrible. But that relapse ended up being a blessing in disquise because it allowed him to find out for himself that he needed to quit and finally he did.

Looking back if I could change anything about this situation I would have changed ME. I kept trying to fix him and it never worked. I kept trying to make him see and it never worked. I wish that I would have detached sooner and started working on me.

Addiction is baffling and cunning and we as the loved ones are left with so many different emotions.

You will find lots of support here. Keep posting and reading. And remember please that NONE of this is your fault. He is an addict doing what addicts do.
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