Thanks, everyone. I know I was in a bad situation, I said myself I was on dangerous ground but thanks for the reminders that I was, indeed, in a bad situation.
Originally Posted by
keithj 
Does anybody on this forum actually care enough about gneiss to tell her the truth? We can love you right to death, that's for sure. I've seen it happen more than once.
Gneiss, I absolutely do not have any kind of spiritual consent with you. You'll just have to forgive me. Or not. It doesn't matter. You're getting pats on the back for resisting temptation, when you should be getting a 2x4 across the face. You're in active relapse, and I'd bet your DOC is around the corner.
Are you unlike the dozens of other meth addicts I know who have gone full blown with exactly this kind of start? What makes you different?
First, I have no idea what spiritual consent is. Maybe it doesn't matter.
Keith, I actually appreciate your comments. It's always good for me to have another perspective. As for being different from other methies, I don't suspect I am. I know one other meth addict in recovery so I don't have much comparison. I left the rest behind because they had no interest in being quitters. But what I will say is given my history the fact that I had meth available and didn't do it is friggin' incredible. There have been a number of times I went ahead and did drugs.
So there's another issue: why was I in this situation yet again? Gawd. Good question. I don't have an answer to that. This friend and I are both meth addicts, both in recovery. I was not even slightly surprised that he asked if I wanted to get some drugs. He seems to have more trouble with it than I do, his addiction is stronger. And I admit that a good part of my weakness about dope at this point is really weakness about him. Once I decided to stop, I could tell anyone no--except him. But I found out I can even say no to him now, which is a new thing for me.
You said I was in active relapse and was basically teetering on the brink of full-blown addiction. You said it was a start. Considering my history, this is an ending. I figured out how to say no to the one person I've never really successfully said no to.
So what about my other drug use? The beer: no two ways about it. Should not have been drinking. I posted a while back that I was questioning whether I am really addicted to alcohol or it was just making the meth problem worse. I'm still not sure. I've had a beer or two several times now and had no problems, not gone on a binge or slipped back into my old drinking habits. But I don't think I should be experimenting at this point either; I should not have been drinking. It was not a smart thing to do. The pot: Still have mixed feelings on this. I sort of put it in the category of other mood-altering stuff like nicotine and caffeine as far as
my own use is concerned. It's fairly harmless, I'm not addicted. At the same time, using it makes me feel like I'm halfway out a revolving door; I'm still in Drugland. If it were legal I would have no problem with it.
Keith, that's the best reply I have. But, dude. Put down the 2x4. You have some good points in your post but it all comes across like you're trying to be Superman or something. My savior complex isn't impressed. So.. I'll just take what's helpful and leave the rest, right?