There's this taste in my mouth I was getting for a long time. A taste of rot and plastic, garbage, doom. For months and months I tasted this consistently. I assumed this taste was the taste of death, impending, death. It is said that yogi masters sense their deaths several months, if not years before it comes. A change in vibration, in olfactory sense, taste, sight, etc. Your senses change, your perceptions very subtley, I assumed this was what was happening to me. A few weeks ago this taste left me, no matter how hard I looked for it, it just wasn't there. For weeks this rot, this doom left me. Today it is back. It started before, early today while at work. A sense? Premonition of coming disaster? Or change in general? What IS this taste?
I feel like I've fallen off a cliff, a cliff climbed higher than I'd ever dreamed could exist, and now, so suddenly, accidentally, slipping and falling down free fall, against only space, nothing more to grasp, nothing to hold me, just this rotten, putrid funking TASTE! I'm very much considering drowning this taste in the cold comfort of carbonated alcohol tonight. I'm very much allowing my demons to whisper unabated, unchallanged. My rotten brain tells me it can't get any worse now, that I've already slipped off the edge and my beautiful view now is gone, shrinking towards me at phenomenal speeds, coming to crush me, splinter me, splatter me into a much darker, greater more mysterious void of eternal failure, the failure of nebula and super nova, the failure echoing through infinite time and space, the emptyness of entire universes within universes within universes peircing through me endlessly in sound horrible, terrifying, schreeching unrelent. God I'm slipping hard, so funking hard, what can stop this, can even slow this?
This taste, I hate this taste, I hate myself, my propensity for failure, for loss, why do I try? Haven't I learned? What good can become of loving, living, trying, breathing, fighting funking drinking jogging talking holding grasping crawling towards phantom worlds?? Sinking, that's all I feel. Sinking, and this rotten flavored death in my mouth...