Well I wish the best for you. In fact, I believe whatever happens--staying together or splitting will be the right thing as long as you stay focused and strong (in your resolve not necessarily your feelings at times). As for the guilt, drop like its a lead coat and you're floundering at sea. Your husband owns his feelings as you own yours as your children own theirs'. Try not to get them to enmeshed. Its easy to lose track of whose feelings are whose. Generally you feel guilty when you're being guilt gamed. Alcoholic know how to play and win, we're pros. As far as sad and lonely goes,a person is naturally sad and lonely when they lose a significant relationship in their life,perhaps their most significant-their drug of choice.
Our personal demons come in many guises. We experience them as shame, as jealousy, as abandonment, as rage. They are anything that makes us so uncomfortable that we continually run away. We do the big escape: we act out, say something, slam a door, hit someone, or throw a pot as a way of not facing what’s happening in our hearts. Or we shove the feelings under and somehow deaden the pain. We can spend our whole lives escaping from the monsters of our minds.
Take care--Mycool