Originally Posted by
californiapoppy 
I've relapsed. I've been toying with the idea of not saying so, however I think my chances of quitting for good are better if I'm honest and accountable to someone. And since today I feel REALLY rotten, I do very much want to quit for good. It sure didn't seem that important when I drank the first glass of wine though. I let myself get hungry, thirsty, tired, too hot, and a little uptight. Of course I know better, but it didn't matter then. I also had banished artificial sweeteners from my shelves so there were no diet soft drinks to turn to, though at that point I probably would not even have tried to substitute. This morning I went shopping and bought some and lots of frut juices too. Now if anyone has any tough love they want to throw my way, I'm actually craving to be chastised, at least for the moment.
Alright, I'm going to be a little hard on you but not because you relapsed, because that would be silly. I can't chastise someone for doing something that I did one million times. However, I think that to take this relapse and think that you were in the moment too hungry, thirsty, tired, hot, and uptight is oversimplifying the issue and you are going to miss out on a tremendous opportunity to learn and grow for the next time. A relapse, once done is an opportunity to learn and move forward in recovery. You are still committed to sobriety which is more than half the battle so I think what you really need to do is examine the relapse.
Often relapse does not occur in the moment. It is not something that happens that second. While the act of picking up the drink and the decision to do it might seem like a split second decision the actual change in thought processes probably happened a few days if not weeks before. I am not sure how long you were sober but it seems like it might have been over four months which is a pretty long time. Unfortunately I doubt it is as simple as you not having had diet cokes in your house. Sure, that may be one of those things that aids you, and you may need to reintroduce that, but ultimately I think that you should try to examine what was really going on for you internally emotionally.
All that being said, you are already back on the horse which is commendable. If you really examine the situation and still find yourself at the same external reasons my suggestion to you would be to perhaps continue on with your recovery and learn to shift your focus inward and towards self growth. You could do that through talk therapy, joining a recovery group, working a structured recovery program or one of your own design even if it is by yourself in your own home, or starting a meditation practice. Better yet— all of the above. Another thing that could help would be to add a pharmacological component to your recovery. You say this is not your first relapse. Perhaps some of the drugs that have been proven to reduce cravings in many studies could help (eg.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...altrexone.html). However, I think the most important is the emotional/self-growth component of recovery.
I just don't want this relapse to be a missed learning opportunity for you or a missed catalyst for change. Good luck in your recovery.
See also this thread where there is an interesting article referenced:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...revention.html