I also want to ask...why is detachment something you're so anxious to achieve? Maybe you won't be able to.
I am 2 days from having left my xabf for good-I mean, I changed my phone number...I blocked his email, the works, and I am still angry as h*ll. I feel like I have a right to be angry. I'm angry that alcoholism is keeping me from the man I love.
I'm angry that because of it, my xabf lied to me and broke promises.
I'm angry that I let myself waste 2 yrs of my life waiting for things to change.
I'm angry that he chose the bar over being with me.
I felt the same as you on Friday night when this all went down for the last time--I even texted him "I hate you." I really did feel like I hated him.
Now I realize I don't hate him. I hate his disease!!
I think it's ok for me to feel this anger, and I feel like I have a right to feel it. I'm not going to do anything destructive wiht it, but sometimes you need to just let yourself feel what comes up and not suppress it.