You are doing the best you can in a rotten situation. Mine said the exact same kind of things. He knew my buttons and pushed them every time. For months he would say he was going to divorce me, or ask who should file. Then, when I did file he told everyone it blindsided him and he is SO devastated and angry. Oh well. Sounds cold and hard, but really what I've learned is that living the way we were was cold and hard. I did the most loving thing I could for both of us AND our 4 kids.
It's been a little over a month since STBXAH moved out, and while I still have ups and downs, the peace in my life has multiplied. He remains angry and bitter. He has done and said some crazy stuff over the past few weeks. Not that it matters what others think, but people do see it for what it is, if that's something you worry about. I've maintained my serenity while he spins out of control. And this time I just have to let him keep spinning.
Keep the focus on you and your daughter. You will be shocked at how different it looks when you have a little time out of the situation. I still wonder how I lived that way for so long.