Poor Ananda
I'm so sorry you're having a tough time.
Just try to think about other things in the past that seemed like they were going to overwhelm you. You're still here - you survived them, and you can make it through again. Of course, the hermit idea doesn't sound so bad to me either at the moment...
Remember...(& I've been inspired by the recent Minnesota election results...)
You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggoneit, people
like you.
(Oh wait, you're in England aren't you? Oh well, I hope you get it anyway
)
~Daisy