His behaviors are classic alcoholic behaviors ... and they are some of the most hurtful. When I look back over the many years, the times I felt the most emotional anguish... was when I had hopes that my AH was on the rode to recovery, being nice, changing his attitude ... and then suddenly turn hateful and cruel with no real provocation.
Newly sober alcoholics can be very challenging ... they still have deep struggles fighting their desire to drink again. The physical and emotional adjustment to sobriety can take months. If you have ever heard the term "dry drunk" it would explain some of these mood swings. Still behaving like an alcoholic without the alcohol. Also, I witnessed many times in my life with both my alcoholic father and husband ... a sudden dark hateful mood emerge for seemingly no reason. It seemed like they were trying to provoke a fight over any small thing ... trying to be a mean and hurtful as possible. In every case it was a situation of them desperately wanting to drink, resenting the person they feel is keeping them from their one true pleasure - alcohol ... and hoping to provoke a fight in order to rationalize feeling sorry for themselves ... thus they could have an "excuse" to start drinking again. When my AH was finally serious about recovery, it was during these moments when he would go to AA meetings for the insight and support he needed. When he wasn't serious about recovery, he would just start drinking again, placing blame others as an attempt to justify his self destructive choices.
Sometimes it helps to know that this is all part of the manipulative addiction game ... and by not reacting, you are not providing him with the fabricated excuse to drink he was looking for. Once you understand the motives, it hurts less, gets easier walk away and not get drawn into the mind games. Some type of recovery program may be the only choice for someone like this to overcome these moments. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to be on the receiving end of this kind of behavior.
One of the best things about alcoholism I ever learned was ...there are no true reasons to drink ... only excuses.