I've been craving intense lately. Not alcohol but more than that. Drugs I've never before sought, powerful, final... Heroin, overdosage of LSD, pills, pink cocaine uncut. I want to feel intense painful euphoria shooting through my body. I want alchemy in powder-liquid-pill. I want the end and the beginning simultaneous...
I looked in the mirror today at work. There was something in my eyes I've never seen before. An alien madness, spitting daggers back at my like pythons.
Darkness... Can I do what I must to become one with the source? Do I have it in me to release my demons so pointedly, direct with that python spitting intensity? Intentionally? INTENTIONALLY!?!? What are the rules of madness? What does direction mean in a maze? Where dark cornered dead ends taunt, and circular psychic meanderings persist. How do I navigate this wounded source but through confusion? Becoming lost in it in order to find myself again... A self I barely might remember having once existed... Will I recognize what I find? Does it matter if I do? To become one is to cease to be at all. To lose myself first so that a new direction manifests. I want to unbecome. Unbecome with my source. Unbecome with my beautiful wounded eschaton...