Hey Ortho, I have appreciated your posts.
I too am a binge drinker. I have been wrestling with the idea of quitting altogether for a while, and have gotten serious about it during the past several months.
I have recognized 3 fundamental aspects of my relationship with alcohol. The first is my desire to get drunk. I like to get drunk here and there; sometimes once in a week, sometimes once in a month; but I like to get drunk, and in a solitary way.
The second is I like to socialize in the presence of alcohol. I've had many good communal experiences drinking with friends, and drinking has been an integral part of my social culture. I rarely have gotten intoxicated in social situations.
Third: I have adopted "slightly reckless - moderate/heavy drinker...but mostly responsible" as part of my self-image. I romanticized this and grew fond of it.
Of the three aspects, the desire to get drunk seems to be the easiest to give up. Not allowing myself alcohol, I find that this desire fades easily. The other 2 confound me. I do not like giving up the social drinking; and the "drinker-image" is ingrained. But through experience and experimentation, I have learned that the 3 seem to come as a package deal for me. I seem to be unable to keep only one without the other 2.
And so I am now on a path of sobriety. But for me, the knowledge that the 1 social drink will not immediately lead to the binge sometimes makes it difficult for my sick brain to understand the dangers of my condition.
I very much appreciate reading the posts from other binge drinkers, and your candor. It is all very helpful for me. Thank you; I hope you find good help on this forum as well.