I am sorry you are in the
justsad, if they could "see" themselves clearly this wouldn't be such a horrible disease.
Denial takes thousands of victims and for many, there is just no bottom - only death.
And I agree with anvilhead - perhaps he can actually SEE everything, but keeps making his decision? After all no one has him at gunpoint telling him to drink. And if denial was so strong, no AH would ever recover, yet when I arrive to AA I see people fully recovered making amends day by day and living with purpose.
So honestly I am not sure where denial ends and personal choices start, I am not an alcoholic... but when I saw happy couples out there I just knew there was something wrong with me, in living a hellish relationship when relations are supposed to make you better and stronger... not to make you miserable.
I agree your "caring, loving man" may have roamed the Earth at some point, but I hope you can see him for who he actually is now (his behavior, not his words).. what do you see? that is reality. Do you see any caring for you at all? That is the person he chooses to be now and as good as it gets.
I am so tired of this love and hate
Hate? Yes, when I see an addict I see self hate for sure.
I also saw self hate when I choose to stay as martyr, absorbing the addict's destruction (eventhough its been months since I left but emotionally I was still "there").. because that is the only way i felt interesting and superior... worthy.
Now love, I do not think love has anything to do with this. I know love....when a mother sees her baby for the first time in tears of incredible joy... in the wonders of nature and a precious orange sunset, in my heart when I meditate and deep down I know I will be OK... intuitively, I know when Love is present and when it is not.
Oftentimes I confuse love with need.
"When there is need there is no love, and when there is love there is no need, and all is balanced"
I do not remember if you are attending individual counseling, for me it has worked wonders.. I suggest you give it a try...
Another thing to consider - if he keeps drinking it will just get worse, these are not isolated incidents but part of a downward spiral of never ending destruction.. do you think that is what God/HP made you for?