Schlitz…. It sounds like it’s coming up again. Blaaaatz…..Paaabst….Schlitz….
Clearly you have a creative interest in writing. Further, you are lonely. If you find the courage to go to work, can you find the courage to engage this clearly vital part of your life? Can you take a writing class? Do you visit any bookstores? I understand that a lot of people are reclusive, wired into their text messaging, ipods… whatever, but not everyone is that way.
I believe that you have conducted a fantastic analysis of your own life. So once you have gathered all of this introspective information, and processed it, isn’t it time to come up with a plan? Make a plan. Be specific. Go out and talk to 10 people today. Even if you get shot down, even if all you say is “Hi! My name is Saimcat.” I’m telling you if you walked up to me in a bookstore, I would stand mesmerized by your insights with regard to many of the emotions that humans feel.
How about a recovery group? Are there any of those locally? Is there anyone on this website or others who lives close to you?
In some ways, I have no ground to give advice on these matters as I have distanced myself from many friends through the process of becoming sober. In other ways I’m the perfect person to give advice because, more frequently than I would like, I approach life in an act first, think later kind of way. People need human intercourse. If you go out and look for it, you will find it.
It seems that you already have admirers of your stunted growth, hatred for yourself and emotional deformities.