the rollercoaster
IT is so annoying. YEsterday my AH drank, i got upset, he got mad, and the day/evening was ruined. Today everything is "fine"...he went to work and everything is kosher. I still have a knot in my stomach though, raw from yesterday's misery and wondering when /dreading the next time he decides to drink. IT just drives this wedge between us. One day is fine the next is the end of the world. Spends what little money we have on beer and then want me to borrow money from MY MOM until we get paid at the end of the week. Hah. Go pawn your guitar i'm sick of having to clean up your selfishness. I am so tired of this love and hate . I've never been a big drinker, and after living with an AH I dont think I will ever drink again in my life... just so terrible what alcohol can do to a loving, caring person. Maes me very, very sad. Trying to detatch and not let myself be "fooled" when things are going smooth...trying not to predict or prevent his moods and behaviors. Why can't he just see what is going on??