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Old 06-22-2009, 05:37 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Chrysalis123
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
I feel ashamed because I stayed with XAH even though by doing so I was endangering my children. I stayed because of my own fear and my own lack of confidence, and thinking I desevered no better treatment. I am trying to make living amends to my kids.

My therapist says I am being too hard on myself. I had two little babies, no family support, and an A husband that acted out and caused a life altering injury to himself, and I did the best I could at the time with what I knew. The accident was the first nudge to becoming conscious of my situation. It took 7 more years and an affair on his part for me to come to, so to speak, and begin to earnestly and consciously work on my recovery.

Through therapy I discovered what happened to cause all the self loathing and when I think of the survivor my little girl self was...I stop feeling shame because she did a tremendous job under horrible conditions. It's those hidden pockets of shame that still hook me....progress not perfection.
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