Andrew, my intention was not to offend. Actually, I don't know any recovering alcoholics personally except for my husband. The mistake I made is in not making it clear that I was talking about MY selfish , self centered etc. AA husband. Sorry if I gave the impression that all people in AA are selfish, as that was not my intention.
Yet, I have read many posts from other recovering Alcoholics that talk of these people too and how they steer clear of them. Actually, everywhere and every group of gathered humans has self absorbed people...I would venture to guess that folks that live in alcohol free countries even do.
You said "Secondly, you asked this question in order to take someone else's "inventory", not for your own program, but to find out how your husband was "doing it wrong"
Did I Andrew? The thing that I have found in my recovery is that assuming I know what another is thinking, or their true motives by my opinion, is not a recovery move at all. No, Andrew....I really asked the question because I really wanted to understand the concept because it is so foreign to me. Fixing my husband is not anything I have ever recalled saying or intending to do. Understanding him, yep, I'm all about that.