He is simply doing what A's do - blaming it on anyone but themselves.
This is NOT your fault. I tried many times to explain the effect my XABF's drinking had on me and our relationship and to this day (I moved out 2 months ago) he just doesn't get it. He will not face it. He thinks because he is trying to get it together that I should just forgive and forget.
We had a few more go rounds this weekend (he's trying to convince me to come back for a visit) and I firmly reiterated that we had an agreement to work on ourselves and see where we stood in 6 months. It seemed the conversations just kept coming back to him and what he wanted and then the temper tantrums started when he wasn't getting what he wanted. Nothing has changed except my address apparently
Mine too always called me names, put me down and was verbally vicious. I have put boundaries in place where if anything other than a pleasant conversation (ie. yelling, whining, etc) begins I terminate the call. I will only talk to him if we are being nice to each other.
Please keep focusing on yourself. Keep yourself and your kids as your first priority. As painful as it is you have to learn to detach from the drama and find peace. I never thought it was possible living directly with the XABF but I found that the more I forced myself not to be involved in the drama the better I felt.