Originally Posted by
mentallyexh 
He says I am living in the past and that it will never get better that way. The problem is, although I can forgive him, forgetting is another thing....it happened and I can't pretend that it didn't and I have an extreme fear that it will just go back to the way it was
My AH said the same thing. Problem was the behavior kept repeating and my behavior slowly became nuts! I look at it this way. If I have a neighbor with a dog and every few weeks/months that dog goes crazy and becomes aggressive and charges me I will learn to keep away from that dog. I will keep away to keep myself safe.
I veiw AH the same way. I have enough experience with him to know he will in all likely hood repeat past behavior. I think it is Dr Phil that says, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." I expect this because he has not worked at recovery and nothing changes if nothing changes. 4 days of not drinking is a drop in the bucket and his body is not even clear of the chemical changes alcohol produces not to mention all the work needed on his emotional/spiritual side. I know I too, had much work to do on myself to restore my own sanity and well being.
As for forgiveness I think forgiveness is for me...not for the other person. It is a process that allows me to let it go regardless of what the other person chooses to do. It allows me to release the bitterness, resentment, and emotional attachment/obsession and go to live my life in peace and joy.
Hope that helps.