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Old 06-19-2009, 08:16 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Daisy09
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Originally Posted by siamcat View Post
How can I forgive myself for any of this? I'm supposed to look at myself and say 'I forgive you siamcat, you have a 'disease' and it's not your fault, you're trying to get better now so all this is ok'. It's NOT OK! It's NOT OK that I've RUINED things and HURT people and GIVEN UP possibility and STUNTED my growth on EVERY PERCEIVABLE LEVEL EVER!!!!

Crap,... I don't know.
((((Siam))))

Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively. -- David McArthur & Bruce McArthur

When I first found out about my husband's heroin addiction, I was really angry. And I thought it would be a long time before I forgave him. But as I recovered from the initial shock, I came to realize that it was not my place to forgive. This was not something he had done to me, he had done it to himself. It took him a long time to admit his problem to me, and only did it then because I confronted him about it. He was ashamed of himself for becoming addicted, and had allowed self-loathing to fester in his heart, building walls around himself to "protect" me and the girls from his hurt. Throughout all of this, I have fought to maintain a certain level of peace in myself, and have continued living life. He is slowly working on forgiving himself for what he has done. He has said that seeing me and the girls living, loving, and being happy despite his addiction has helped him to realize that the present continues to unfold despite the past.

So don't say, 'I forgive you siamcat, you have a 'disease' and it's not your fault, you're trying to get better now so all this is ok'. Instead, try saying, 'I forgive me. It is all my fault, but the past is done, there's nothing I can do to change it. The best I can do is to try to make the present better so it won't happen anymore.'

Hope this helps,
Daisy

PS You're writing is really beautiful. If you're looking for something to do instead of drinking, why not write a book called, "Adventures & Musings in NYC" or something great like that?
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