I have to agree with the no-contact and if he does not live with you, then it certainly is appropriate. He is going to be moody, self-pitying, angry, defensive, critical.....the works.....for several months. If you engage with him in these arguments you are describing, then you do so willingly and naively, for nothing will be settled between you for a long time, not until he retrieves some sanity and clarity, which is impossible at 30 days.
Time to stop taking each other's inventory. Time for you both to be attending meetings and working on yourselves.
I would go no-contact for 6 months then reassess.