For me the long talks were genuine and caring and fun, fast forward: not remembered the next day, fast forward: non existent even though he was physically present. I wonder if you look at it that way, if you can understand that you were losing your best friend all along, like your first to cancer, insidiously, slowly, interiorly....Loss sucks. I am sorry for you. I've had a lot too. You tend to feel that your first husband didn't have a choice right? And this seems like a choice but I think after awhile, addiction really might not be a choice. (((hugs)))