9iron - I don't have any advice just lots of commiseration. I, too, am trying to figure out the same thing right now.
I'm one of those people that needs LOTS of time at home to "recharge". Being on the go every minute of every day absolutely wears me to a frazzle.
I am committed to attending the Family Sessions at AH's IOP one night a week (we are getting a babysitter on these nights) and one local Al-anon meeting on a night when he is home to stay with the kids. Beyond that, I have been looking at the Al-anon online groups (emails or chats). I haven't joined any yet, but I'm seriously considering it. Maybe someone else here has some experience with that????