Originally Posted by
mentallyexh 
Here is what I am trying to understand. He said that drinking is not the real problem that we have others. He said I am psychotic and control and all I do is complain and that we argue whether he drinks or not. The latter part is true we do argue, but when we do it is ussually because I am so hurt by what happened when he was drunk. No matter what I said he believes I am wrong and at fault...
How do you have a conversation with someone, who even sober, blames you and won't listen? How do you save a marriage if when you try to communicate and insults are hurled at you? I wish I could understand....
I tried to understand the nonsense for a long time. I really did. It nearly drove me crazy. So you are not alone there.
Your husband is doing the classic deflection tactic. This happens alot with addicts and non addicts. Your the problem. Its easier for them to blame someone else then to say "ya I screwed up". My A used to say that we didnt get along. He was right we didnt get along. I was trying to have a relationship with someone who was having ANOTHER relationship with a substance. There was no competition. I got tired of fighting for it.
He wont listen because he cant "hear" you. His addiction is talking very loudly in his mind and there is no room for anything else.
Honestly the only way your gonna save your marriage is if your husband gets sober. It is impossible to have a normal healthy loving relationship with someone in active addiction. It just isnt possible. EVEN IF he was still loving, good provider, good with the kids yada yada in active addiction they will choose the drug/alcohol over and over. Its not YOU its HIM.
I bought a series of books called "Getting them Sober". Wonderful set of short read books. If you are gonna try and continue living with your husband my advice would be get ahold of those books ASAP.