I have been going to al-anon since February and have been working the steps. The first step took a while, but I didn't have trouble with the second and third steps. It has taken me a lot of self reflection and time to do the fourth step. When I examined my list, I noticed that most of my problem items in my list were caused by a lack of self-worth or self-esteem (the gross lack of it). I realized I had that problem before, but I didn't realize how it was effecting my life! I let the alcoholic in my life (and a lot of other people) use me and abuse me because I just truely felt that I had to put up with it and that by putting up with it, I was a good person and a good wife (martyr). More like the perfect doormat! Wow! I let people treat me like dirt and then expected them to somehow see the error of their ways and be sorry and treat me with respect and love! That just NEVER happens in real life. I've done this for years, and for me it is not an admirable quality. No wonder I was suffering, but that is the way I was raised (be nice to EVERYONE always and don't ask for anything and NEVER be angry or "make" anybody angry and always be happy and smile and be quiet and try to "make" everybody like you - this is what makes for a "good girl"! Now I have seen the error of MY ways and am standing up for myself and becoming more assertive. I have my HP to thank for this as I could never have done it myself. Now I am feeling more free to be who I really am. I still have a ways to go, but looking at my past, I can see how far I have come! It does "work if you work it!"
