My AH was a former herion addict/alcoholic before I met him. When I met him, he had 10 years clean and was a substance abuse counselor.
When he replapsed, I didn't know it. Surprisingly, none of the other substance abuse counselors he worked with, or the judicial officer, or PO's knew it either. By the time I found out, he was ready to quit. After looking at the bank account and putting 2+2 together, the pattern was there, I just didn't recognize it because heroin was not a drug I was familiar with. AH already had the scar on his arm so if it was red, I (Me) just assumed something had irratated it.
After he got clean off heroin and got on methadone, he relapsed again but this time he switched to crack. He alternated between shooting it and smoking it. If he smoked it, I couldn't tell either because the high was so short and he had never ever had any problems with cocaine in his past. Again, the money started disappearing and the tools from the garage along with his friends. This time I caught on a whole lot quicker and he went to rehab again, but for longer this time.
My AH has well over 90 days clean now but every single day, I struggle with every single behavior, inconsistency, sleep pattern, eating pattern or if he doesn't answer a single question the way I think he should. I am a casualty of his addiction. You are a casualty of your husband's addiction too whether you know it or not - simply because you've KNOWN he was using heroin.
Go to a meeting and get to know some people you can sit down face to face with and allow yourself to be open to the consequences of continuing to live with the addict. Let yourself be mentored and to share your heartbreak just like we do here. SR was critical and still is to my every day sanity but meetings, the 12 steps and my face to face comrades keep me going and putting one foot in front of the other (and also keeps me from getting all twisted up in AH's behavior). He has his recovery and I have mine. I am much more autonimous now but the fact of the matter is....when we choose to stay, we are gambling with our life and theirs too. Relapse is always a reality we must decide whether or not we can live with.
When I gave AH the choice of rehab or the street, he choose our marriage and this time he knew I was serious because he knew I was coming here to SR and going to meetings and I was stronger and willing to walk away not to mention having tons of support and that I would be okay. Addicts know how to manipulate us and guilt us but they are really victimizing us. They are predetors and very savy at doing or saying whatever it takes to feed their addictions. He was very very angry with me for about the first week but after the cloud formed from the drugs began to disapate, he was grateful to be alive and grateful for another chance at life and the opportunity to see his daughter grow up.
Keep posting and sharing and see what you can do about getting to some meetings. You need to find your center and get some support. I think you also need to make some decisions.
It was very difficult for me to turn my husband out (and it took a long long time to say it and mean it), knowing that he might die, be homeless, hungry or go to jail but that's gamble he took every time he drank, picked up a syringe or smoked crack. Every time. At any time, he could have died by his "own hand" and there was nothing I could do about it anyway.
I kept deciding what my AH's rock bottom was. When he decided, that's when things started to improve. He ran out of options.
When I decided what my rock bottom was, that's when my life started to improve because I had also run out of options.