Like the others before me I can so relate to your pain
I read your post and it all came flooding back
My RAS is three years clean...
during his rehab (year long program) he begged to come home (more than once!)...he pleaded that he was in an "unsafe place"....he threatened to run and the list goes on
there were nights that I just white knuckled it...I said "no" and cried myself to sleep...sometimes hubby and I were on the same page sometimes he was the force that kept me from running to rescue my son
we did what we had to do (as you are now)
it was hard but there were no other options...I knew what coming home meant...
stay strong
I will keep you in my prayers:praying
as I said my son is three years clean and living a strong recovery (for today)
keep believing in the miracle