I am glad she is staying. You know, MY big fear of my kid leaving early? That she would come home. I absolutely did not know what to do with her. I still don't. So these days, Mr. Big and I are absolutely on the same page when it comes to her - she can't stay here. She often can't even spend the evening, let alone the night.
Recently, as her using grew worse, her current boyfriend was struggling with his own sobriety and his own needs (and I think, regretting a bit the decision to take on the emotional responsibility of loving my daughter). He asked me if Mr. Big and I would take her back home for just a little bit. I told him no... that was hard. But I have learned, she isn't good here.
So when she wanted to come home from rehab... we had to tell her that she could leave whenever she was ready to quit trying.... but she could not come home to our house.
Many parents get to that point, but getting there takes experiences that help us process the idea that our kid is really, really in the control of this disease, and that only she can put the disease in remission... and that takes tons of desire.
Being so tired that we want to give up is normal. Crying through pain is normal... any mom of a child who is hurting from their disease wants the pain to end. Sometimes, it is best to step back and let the professionals do what they do best, and not take a front row seat to the pain. Stepping back is ok.... not knowing and not watching is ok.
I wish you the best. ((hugs))