I'm so tired of this. Tired of thinking about it. Tired of being addicted. Tired of counting pills, trying to hide them, trying to rationalize to everyone why my moods are so all over the place. I'm tired of spending money on something I drink & p*ss away that never really solves anything. I'm tired of trying to find the strength to quit when I keep NOT quitting. What is wrong with my brain? Why am I like this? If I saw a fire I wouldn't stick my hand into it! And yet...I'm doing it every day. As tired as I am, I keep doing it. It doesn't even make any sense.
I'm sorry, I know I'm accomplishing nothing. Just needed to vent for a moment.