Originally Posted by Daisy09

Hi Katie,

My husband, M, is currently working on overcoming a heroin addiction. I "hang out" on several boards, this one, F&F, and substance abuse. The reason I "travel" is to get views from both sides, and to try to understand a bit better M's side of things. When you're living with someone else's addiction, it can oftentimes be very difficult, to put it mildly. I think everyone has had times when they say things they don't really mean about someone they love, out of anger or frustration or desperation or whatever, and sadly when an addiction is involved, there is a LOT of anger, frustration, despair, whatever. What I'm trying to say is that it may seem like F&F are "crucifying" the addicted person, they/we are really just expressing our frustration, venting if you will, in an effort to maintain our own sanity. I'll put it in personal terms: I love my husband. He loves me. We have been together for 16 years, have two beautiful children, whom we both love more than life itself, and I couldn't really imagine myself spending my life with anyone else. However, when I learned of his addiction, I asked him how he could do this to our children. Academically, I know that this is not something he has made a concious decision to do in order to ruin our children's lives, but emotionally all I could think was "how could he be so selfish, uncaring, unloving, etc." I think you said it well, when you said you were very angry and sad in this moment. We, friends and family, get very angry and sad a lot, over something not of our making,and when dealing with someone else's addiction there a a lot of "moments". So please understand, we are not trying to crucify anyone, nor do we wish to be crucified.

All the best,
Daisy