Dixie,
Were you sitting at my kitchen table last night? C'mon...were you??
Mr. Hangin' and I were having a conversation about what to do or what not to do for RAD. And some of that conversation referred to the past and what we had done and had not done. Lordy have mercy, I can beat a dead horse sometimes.
I agree with what others have said: What's done is done. Let that go. Can't do anything about it now.
Regarding the future, what I have to do with my RAD now is look at the situation and see what I am comfortable with doing. And I always, ALWAYS ask myself this question now: If I do so 'n' so, will it help my RAD learn to be the responsible adult I want her to be, and will it help her to learn to live life on life's terms?
There is a situation where I
could pay for some certain expenses of my 26 yr old RAD. She's about to get married, sober 6 years, working fulltime as a waitress and going to school full time. Needless to say, a few extra dollars would help her out regarding her bills. But as I look at those expenses, I am telling myself that a responsible 26 yr old adult needs to learn to prepare for upcoming expenses such as dentist, annual check-ups, saving for tires for the car, etc.
Now, I don't know about you, but with me the only way I ever learned anything was by doing it. As long as someone else was footing the bill for me, the "payment" just didn't affect me that much. So that's what I go on as far as dealing with my RAD. I go on my knowledge and always apply the question of "Would it help her grow up and be mature or would I take away from her the opportunity to learn what she needs to learn?" Early on I took away far too many opportunities where I should have let her learn.
Oh, and I might add I look at the decision and see if it will cause me a resentment down the road. Man, oh man, I HATE the feeling of resentment and I never want to set myself up that for those feelings again. And if I do something for her because whatever she says pulls on my heart strings and I cave, and then after it's done I regret my decision, I feel resentful and kick myself because most likely my mama's gut told me not to do it in the first place.
Regarding not hearing from him, we can try all day long to figure out why they are calling, why they aren't calling, why the said this or that, etc. We cannot figure them out. I do know I can let myself slip and get right back into that stinkin' thinkin', worrying about what my RAD is doing. And THERE GOES MY GOOD DAY! I still have to work on that, one day at a time. I'm just much happier when I'm concentrating on my life and leaving my RAD to hers.
Good seeing you again. Miss talking with you.
Hugs,
Hangin' In