Winnie,
I'm sorry this has happened. :sorry
I know how you counted on this.
You are asking for suggestions and help. I can only tell you what has worked for us.
We allowed our son back home after hitting rock bottom. I sought help from this site from Parents as well as addicts. This is what i learned. They are "Master Manipulators".
This being said, it is how we have handled our son since. He is over 3 mos clean, w/ a new job and doing well.
There were no rules, no expectations, no defensive behaviour on our part. We no longer were allowing him to drag us into cave of demons and destruction. We spoke to him with respect, and walked away when we weren't being respected. No reaction. This was his demon to overcome, not ours. We simply walked away. We included him for dinner, and any time he made an effort to be a part of the family.
You have something going for you as he has been clean for quite a while now, so i think you will find him more rational to deal with. Take advantage of it. Show him as much as you can, the fun, clean part of life he was missing. Remember he has been locked up and on the run for months now.
I know my advice is not what you are expecting, but all the rules, confrontations, arguements, have gotten you no where but deeper down.
My only wish for you is that you are expecting the worst, but may possibly see a significent change in your son. I just want you to open your heart, a small hole perhaps, to give this a chance.
My grandmother gave me the best advise: When a child reaches the age of 14, you no longer need to be his mother, you need to be his GUIDE thru the rest of his life.
So Guide him Winnie, Have some faith.........We are all rooting for you.
And Maybe, just maybe......you may get your son back, and enjoy being a family again, as we are.
Susan