Alera's CBA
5/29/2009
1.What do I enjoy about my addiction, what does it do for me (be specific)?
I like the feeling I get in my head.
I like being able to zone out on one subject whether it be a video game or a movie.
I like the physical feelings I get when I use.
I like the buzz.
I like the ability to deal with issues w/ others without having to be overly concerned about my emotions. I feel the drugs keep my emotions in check.
2. What do I hate about my addiction, what does it do to me (give specific examples)?
I hated the fact it had so much control over me I left the toaster oven when I was using. It scared me so badly I won't go near a kitchen if I'm even tired now.
I really hate the fact I don't have the control to use once I start. Yeah, I'm a control freak.
I like to play video games, and my reflexes go down the toilet when I'm using. Playing America's Army or CounterStrike while stoned doesn't get me very far.
3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
Freedom to go where I want without concern about my comprehension of what surrounds me.
People don't look at me wondering what is wrong with me as I stumble around slurring.
When I stumble because I'm having an MS relapse I'll know right away instead of playing the "is it the drugs" game.
My pill clock/dosage does not force me to stay up or go to sleep.
When I am in pain and take the appropriate medication dosage, it actually works.
4. What do I think I won't like about giving up my addiction?
I don't like having to deal with negative feelings such as shame, guilt and worry.
I don't want to have to be "uber aware" all the time, and like to enjoy some movies and TV shows while sedated.
I hate anger. I don't feel anger when I'm really intoxicated.
There is safety feeling in having extra meds on me knowing I can abuse when I am in a stressful situation.