ok this is a little obscure...but
the point is what ever i make the point.....
I have to create some idea of meaning and then work toward it...
That said...i do think our brains auto piolit to the defence mechanisms we know best when things get rough...
those things that worked well for me in my childhood, well they don't work for me anymore....what may have been an appropriete choice at that time, is an over reaction to my life today.
Under stress they they rise again, but i try to find less destructive ways to gaurd myself if i feel i must....and drinking, suicide and blanking out aren't one of those.:ghug3