I know there is the friends and family forum, but I do want to comment on what this thing does to others, just in my humble opinion. I do know the pain of watching someone with active addition first hand, although when I looked at their addictions they always somehow seemed worse than my own. Perhaps it was because they were doing drugs other than alcohol and alcohol seems so ok as it's legal. I've never been involved with anyone with an alcohol issue per se, but I sure got an earful this a.m. regarding how my drinking affects him. Sure, he isn't perfect, but at least I deal with a person whose emotions aren't going up and down expressed in often volatile and not well thought out ways. No, that's my area when I am drinking and get angry. And to be perfectly honest, my first thought was that I knew it was coming and my second thought about a bottle of wine. At any rate, he didn't tell me to take a hike (but he still might) nor is he interested in coming to my group. I thought two things might happen if he did 1) It would give him the opportunity to express his own feelings and 2) it just might make an impact on my thick head. He says no and it's my problem. I guess he is right. Plus he is very angry at this point.
I know we do this for ourselves first, but we also do it (stop drinking) for others. I just can't seem to get the self part down and without that there are no others. I know he must be thinking right now about checking out for a while or permanently, as I had those thoughts many times myself while watching someone in the throes of active addition. I know how it is to hope maybe it's the last time; maybe he'll really get sober; maybe we can really have a healthy relationship (and this in the insanity of *my* continued drinking!) And I know how disappointing this must be to him especially considering I am going to IOP, I am taking my meds, I do see a therapist, I do see a psychiatrist. The one thing I can't seem to do is the one thing no one else can do for me and the one thing I cannot avoid or escape from - and that is just to sit with the pain that comes from not drinking.
So I guess I'd like to hear any thoughts on how our using affects others and also any ideas you might have as to just going through the pain that feels like it will never go away without a drink. Thanks.
Oops, big post to tack on but oh well
