What I really wanted to drive home in this thread is that no one signs up for this. No one says "When I grow up I want to mess up my life with alcohol and drugs. Then I want to lose things important to me. And for good measure, I would like a psychiatric Dx thrown in for fun."
But often we are judged as if that were the case. That is a huge problem. Even in this relationship I think he thinks it should be a snap. Well, if he got help for his smoking, it would be akin to my constantly questioning if he was smoking and telling him that smoking is more important than a human being. Not true. Addictions are tough and not a reflection on the other person, although the other person may present with triggers that lead someone down the path of relapse.