Josiemay1982,
I think it took a lot of strength to reach out and ask questions about a subject (alcoholism/addiction) you knew little about. It’s no doubt that you care very much for this guy and wish nothing but recovery for him.
As you are learning, recovery can only happen if the person truly wants that for themselves. And the only true way to witness that is by their actions, never their words.
When I first started attending al-anon I felt that my situation may have seemed silly and that I was naïve to alcoholism and addiction. I often felt judged by responses and by the way certain people would talk to me. I stayed with that program long enough to realize that I was not being judged by anyone other then myself. My insecurities left me with so many confusing feelings that for awhile I walked away from those I perceived made me feel foolish and dumb and clung to those who felt as I did. Soon my al-anon experience turned into exactly what I wanted it to be, ways to make my loved one stop drinking. I made the grave mistake of fending off anyone who was telling me the cold hard true to listen to others like myself who clung to hope and miracles and un-healthy ways where I still believed I could control or stop his addiction.
I think I spent almost a year in al-anon doing it MY WAY and not getting the results I expected. I became so angry with them with the program I stopped going. After about another year of chaos/insanity/stress I went to see a therapist where I discovered my codependency and how my thinking and way of addressing life were not on the healthy side of life. Once I began to put the focus on me I went back to al-anon and the program helped me tremendously and in turn helped my relationships with the A’s in my life.
I think with the advice you have received here and all the new things you are learning about A’s it would be a great beginning to discover yourself and why you may be drawn to this type of person. This relationship may or may not work out for you but you may gain something far more wonderful from this experience, you may gain a new you!!!
How you decide to proceed or not proceed with him is up to you. Just remember you really do have support here for what ever direction you decide to go in.