I am going to change my name to Broken Record. Two books, Emotional Blackmail and The Verbally Abusive Relationship, How to Recognize it and How to Respond.
The first book talks about the FOG they throw out there when they don't get their way. FOG is blinding, but it stands for Fear Obligation and Guilt....also blinding. His statements hit the F the O and the G, all three. The second book says there are two kinds of people the "Power Over" people and the "Power from Within People" Unfortunately, they usually hook up. He will try to get Power Over for the rest of his life unless he truly embraces the steps....but it doesn't sound like he has.
I echo what others have said, but I add that you better get strong because it's going to get worse. When you have the house and the majority of the time with the kids, and they are alone to use or dry drunk, you MAY just actually become the Enemy....I have. And I don't even argue or disagree with him, usually communicate in one line emails void of emotion, and my estranged R?AH is still launching missiles. Hiding or taking money, messing up prearranged schedules, maligning me to the extended family.....anything to try to get back his power. Guess he still hasn't accepted that he is powerless. And you could ask the same thing about your recovering husband.
But, and WHILE I am not one to play games, you may want to calm the waters a bit. Consider saying "Right now I know what I feel, and I feel that for X number of years I have been married to you, and I need a break. I don't know how I will feel in 90 days, 6 months, or a year (that is usually true, even psychics don't usually receive info on self). But I know if you force me to decide now, I would choose divorce. Let's see how our relationship gets on separated, and we can revisit it every so often."
Then, put everything in LEGAL form. Don't assume like me that he will meet his agreements. Don't assume that he will follow the rules. Don't assume that he won't try to change child time, monetary agreements, etc. So if it is all in legal form, you stand a better chance. Do it now when things are calmer than they will be once his pity party ramps up.
Hugs