Originally Posted by
RobinsFly 
I tried to stay grounded, and voice my reality. I didn't react, or blame, or finger point.
I simply stated that, right now, I can only work on my own recovery.
I got lots of scowls.
We agreed on one thing, neither one of us is happy.
When it became clear that my marriage wasn't going to make it, I moved almost immediately from the dream of a loving, mutually beneficial marriage to the dream of a loving, mutually beneficial separation/divorce. I had this vision of us being open and communicative - of him appreciating my candor and rigorous self-examination. I was hurt and disappointed (over and over again) when he responded to my practical, recovery-minded responses with accusations and anger.
Today I think the truth is: it sucks to hear that your spouse wants out. Pretty much period. That news takes some getting used to. ANY big change will require a period of acclimation, and it's not surprising that his defense mechanism of choice is finger-pointing. I use that one sometimes, too when I'm really hurting and desperate.
My advice is to breathe deep, resting in the confidence that you are doing what is in your best interest. Tune him out as best you can (I've had to limit "conversations" to email exchanges, walk out of rooms, say "I will not discuss this with you right now", etc...), and give him some time to process the changes that are occurring. Keep walking in the direction that you want to go, and let go of the dream that he will follow your lead or adhere to your time frame. He has his own time frame, and that's OK.
It is 100% OK to do what is best for you. Anyone who says otherwise only wants you to do what is best for them.
Big hugs and lots of courage headed out to you!
-TC