Originally Posted by
miss communicat 
To your question of how would you know how to listen to your inner growth calling? I would suggest to keep it simple. Do not try to listen with your intellect. Listen with your heart and soul. Listen to your suffering and tension as well as your ideals, hopes and dreams for this life you have. Sometimes we are guided out of situations that no longer serve us by our inner conflict. Other timesw we stay and change within.
I totally trust that you are going to find peace in your life. Stick around. I always enjoy our conversations!
Very
powerful words MissComm. Thank you.
I too enjoy these conversations. I continue to gain insight as I learn that others have "made it" and continue to thrive and find joy in their lives.
It is inspiring.
I understand your situation now. Thanks for clarifying.
Sounds like there is a lot of mutual respect.
Originally Posted by
Still Waters Mine told me I either went to marriage counseling, or I "got out". He indicated in that counseling session that while he really wanted it all to work out...it was basically my problem to work on. I was supposed to be happy about being abused emotionally and mentally I guess.
You're only guessing that he'll throw in the towel, but you'll have to consider that in your decision. And yes, I think it is okay that you can't at this time give him any reassurances. You know..all this began as a result of his drinking, what reassurance do YOU have that he'll never drink again?
This. Exactly.
He tells me his is willing to try, but how can he if I'm not? Well...first off, you can attend to your own mental and spiritual self. Your SELF.
He's been out of touch w/ his self for so long, he's still unconsciously looking to me to 'fix' and validate.
I think I know he'll throw in the towel. He said this last night.
Originally Posted by
Still Waters Ago, I have some issues with this:
If, in my experience, I had been dealing with someone sane I would totally agree with this statement. But when you're dealing with a non-recovering alcoholic this sentence just doesn't work.
For instance, the alcoholic who denies and denies they've been drinking while their tea cup reeks of wine (someones experience here lately) does NOT have a valid viewpoint. They have lies and denial.
In couples counseling I was basically told the same thing you're saying. So, I was forced to listen and agree with fiction.
Counseling won't work if lies are involved.
My counselor said something similar. I asked her if she knew about and agreed w/ the whole Imago theory thing. That, we come into relationships w/ the unconscious desire to heal childhood wounds. Couples can grow together. BUT, she said it's almost impossible to apply this model when addiction is involved.
AH does not lie about his drinking in counseling. He no longer gets defensive about it. However, when in our counseling sessions he scowls at me, and his body language speaks "anger", and he doesn't talk much.
He is STILL directing his anger and hurt towards ME. I don't get this.
And I'm fed up.