RobinsFly, Are you sure you aren't married to my RSTBXAH? This I know, alcohol can mask a personality disorder, or the A uses to not face the pain that they have inflicted, but even in the absence of alcohol, even in a person that has never drank a drop in their whole life, the stinkin thinkin personality can still thrive. Your husband is abusive, because passive aggression and blaming are simply abuse. I suggest you read two books on how to disarm abuse, Emotional Blackmail (forward) and The Verbally Abusive Relationship (evans). There also IS a couples program, intense 72 hours that works on your inner work in the context of the marriage, so it's both self work and couples work. It did more for us than 6 years of couples counselling. It can be found by googling Retrouvaille. It's an international not for profit marriage group. Of course, like any program, it has to be worked. And my AH felt that it was working, so why continue doing it? HA! that didn't fit into his plan to make his life a mess at every turn! Good Luck, You don't say if you have children, but if you do, divorce only changes one set of problems for another so weigh your options with an open mind to which set you would rather live with. Divorce won't change him any more than sobriety did!
Last edited by GiveLove; 05-19-2009 at 02:06 PM.