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Old 05-19-2009, 09:35 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
TakingCharge999
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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UPDATE:

My therapist RULES, I feel so so much better now. What she did was put examples of how healthy relationships look like (it was as if she was talking in a different language altogether LOL).

She told me I am clingy (not new) and the fact its very difficult for me to let go is because I have deep affection needs from a man and I think the partners are "the solution", which is no news, but next time we will keep on working on my dad.

I started crying and felt so ashamed, then I thought "she is a therapist, no one comes here if they felt good"!!

Yesterday the new guy sent a message telling me he supports me 100% and he feels bad, that he wants me to be happy whatever that means and that he is truly sorry, feels guilty and knows that if we keep going out he needs to take better care of me. He sounded sincere...

I asked the therapist how I knew if the guy was honest and could change, or if it was just all manipulation to get me back and repeat the same of what he already did.

She told me that I was the only one that knew the guy, his set of values, his will to make this work, etc. and that relations are about "how we disagree" as Ago said before... that it was disrespectful what he did, yes, but it was one event, not the usual mechanics of the relation (before this it was great); that we had drank before (that's true) and that he did not behave badly those times; that the way he treated friends was a reference about him, but it was him and HIS friends and I did not want to be a controlling freak to have opinions about how he treats others (not sure if I totally agree there, for me someone has to be coherent)... and that he did what he did, he did not did it TO ME, or with intentions to make ME feel bad...

Her opinion was that I will let him flee and the next one that comes will make a mistake, and I will let him flee again... that I should give him a chance and agree on something, set the rules and next time if any one of those boundaries is crossed, THEN as we had agreed on something and it was not respected, it was time to take a harsher decision...

She also adviced not to add venom to the relation and be honest with the guy but not mean or seek "revenge" with a cold shoulder.

I am confused but I asked the guy for some time, and told him it was not to make him feel bad or anything, just for me to order my feelings and ideas to handle this the best way possible... I still think this relation should end, and I need to focus on ME... this helped me realize how hurt I still am from exAH. Its also not fair to bring that baggage in a relation with someone else.

The only thing I am sure of is that I need to heal myself and that is my one and only goal, I do not need extra stuff on my plate right now!

Thank you for supporting me yesterday, you all rule!

Last edited by TakingCharge999; 05-19-2009 at 09:53 AM.
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