First, let me put out there that I could not be with a person who wasn't as committed to his own mental health as I am. I have done a lot of work on myself and couldn't be with someone who was happy to remain sick and blame me for it.
But this:
AH wants to continue couples counseling - but this is fruitless because we need the SPACE to do our own work, first!
I COMPLETELY get your point and it seems he could really benefit from individual counseling, but I don't know if it's necessarily impossible to heal without great draughts of space around us. What does your couples counselor say about his blaming you for his feelings, passive-aggressiveness, etc.? Are there specific behaviors and modes of expression that can be put on the table in couples counseling, "calling him out" on this a bit? Do you have a clear boundary around this behavior?
In an ideal relationship, we'd both be on the very same healing curve at all times, but sometimes one partner's just far out ahead of the other and there's a lot of fear -- of being left behind, of not doing the right things, of "losing their personality" and lots of other irrational stuff.
That said, sometimes it's just an evolving incompatibility. One partner grows, the other stagnates.
Whatever the solution turns out to be, robinsfly, I hope you'll continue your inner work and continue to post here.