Originally Posted by
Twig 
I just completed my first step with my sponsor last night. I had a hard time with it. I wrote a lot of things down, but it was hard to stay focused. I don't know what my bottom was. I don't know why I was suddenly willing to go to AA, get a sponsor and work the steps when I couldn't bear the thought of AA even a week earlier.
.
Twig, this was....IS totally me.
I didn't hit what most refer to as a bottom: lose a relationship, a job, get a DUI--nothing ever really happened to me ON THE OUTSIDE.
But on the inside I was and still am overwhelmed with guilt, shame and disgust about my behavior.
I thought AA was cr@p, I would never go, I thought the disease model was BS, even after I watched my sister get sober 10 years ago with the help of AA and the steps. What a moron I was....I went to her inpatient family day DRUNK! And I had the gall, the ego to think I had the answers? That I knew what I was doing? I am learning alot about humility these days.
I don't know why, but one day I just said "I can't do this anymore" and enrolled in an outpatient program. 7 hrs a week plus AA meetings and step work. And I feel clear headed, enthusiastic and hopeful.