tired...
I'm feeling really really sad tonight, especially because I had been feeling so happy and hopeful just this afternoon. After a long and very difficult evening that I don't even want to get into (suffice to say it did involve a discussion about very recent heroin use), it comes down to the fact the my husband does not feel that he will ever be truly happy and thinks he just needs to resign himself to this and move on with his life. He said he has never gotten anything he wanted out of life, so why should he expect anything now. I said that I was not prepared to resign myself to a life of unhappiness and that I did not want HIM to resign himself to a life of unhappiness because I love him. I said I thought maybe we should separate for a while and see where it led us, which brought the response "what, you mean separate so you can be with someone else?" Says he doesn't want to split up, 5 minutes after telling me how unhappy he is all the time. I think I may be giving up the fight and it's really making me sad. It's not even really about the drug use, as strange as that may sound. It's deeper than that - I'm just really tired of everything being a struggle. Everything I said was wrong, it's like neither of us can really understand what the other is saying. I really really don't want to seperate from him, I am still as deeply in love with him as ever, but I just don't know what else to do. I've run out of ideas, and I'm tired. I don't know, maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, but tonight I'm feeling really beaten down by life and I don't know how to get over it.