Thank you everyone for your responses. Keep them coming anytime you think of something. I'll be re-reading this thread bunches. I hope something will click eventually.
sfgirl, I want to thank you so much for your response. Don't apologize...take all the time you need. I have all the time in the world to deal with this. I wish I could figure this out by 8pm tonight my time, but somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen.
What you are saying makes a lot of sense...I'm just really confused right now. I'm having a lot of intense feelings and it's hard to be rational at the moment. I hope this feeling passes soon, and even if I don't "figure it out for myself", I hope at the very least I can come to a sense of peace/acceptance about it.
Originally Posted by
sfgirl 
one more thing I meant to say....I kept searching for meaning outside myself but where it was the whole time was inside myself. I needed to reconnect with my true inner self, figure out who that was, accept and love that person exactly as they were and let her be in the world
This is what I'm afraid of. I'm finding it awfully hard to love myself. I'm hoping the therapy will help with that.
I even remember telling my therapist this last session that anything I ever do will never be enough. It just slipped out, but it's something I've been thinking of for quite a long time.
So I'm wondering where this leaves me. Am I at a crossroads? Or do I have the wrong visual?
The only thing I can do to deal is enjoy nature...and get totally involved when I take pictures. That's as close as I ever get to feeling "zen-like" (what I think zen is...I'm probably wrong). It's always fleeting, but it feels good.
I think I need to be patient and give myself time. I always want instant gratification, but why should I get it for this? I'll be as calm as I can about it and think...and wait...and think some more. And talk to you folks about it. Thanks for being here, people.
