Kathryn -
I know for me I'd always had the 'illusion' that if Ah could just get off of drugs we'd be fine. We could move on and live happily ever after. I quickly found out that wasn't the reality. Do you think maybe you expected the same thing?
As far as the intimacy, I'm not sure if he just doesn't want to or if he can't. Either way he could talk with his Dr. about that. I know once AH was off drugs for a while his desire was back. While he was on drugs ... zip... for the most part.
Also, my AH is not a talker, never has been, probably never will be. He's never been in touch with his feelings for the most part - some people are just more like that. The recovery road isn't easy, it's almost as hard as addiction for me. I know where you're at and it's hard.