I have not written in a long while. My daughter who just urned 19, has now been clen for 4 months. It has been quite a journey with lots of ups and downs. She currently lives in a halfway house and seems to be doing well. We are currently dealing with trying to get her mental illness under conrol. I have had limited visitation with her since her therapist and mine have decided we are just too enmeshd. At this point she seems to be doing beter than me. My dreams for her future are gone, I miss her terribly, and in so many ways she is just not the same child I raised. Sadness seems to overcome me, even though she is doing well. The thought of it makes so little sense to me. I know this has changed my life forever and I doubt I will ever become the same happy go lucky person I was. Even in the back of my mind I cringe to think she could go the same route as my brother, who died from his addiction.