Yep~
We each probably have our own reasons as well as some common threads among us regarding why we stayed as long as we did.
For me, it has been THE question.
What I've discovered so far is that I'm more comfortable in a relationship. So facing life not in one was scary for a long time. When I walked out last winter, I got over most of that.
Being a control freak of sorts and the fix-it person in my family, when AH was out of it, I was able to be in TOTAL control. And although there was chaos, I almost felt - like the martyr - oh here I go again having to do it all....if I want it done right, I have to do it. Weird huh.
Fear of failure was one too. Even though I would feel justified if I ended it, I would still feel like I failed at marriage like my parents.
And finally, being too trusting. Believing that he can stay clean, that he can find recovery again.
Knowing these things hasn't made me want to end it completely, although I do know I'm strong enough now to do so if needed. It really is a growing process, at least for me.
Sometimes its better to have all your ducks in a row and your prepared for anything
Having all the ducks lined up and ready does make it easier when the time comes. I now have a bag of spare clothes, spare day to day stuff, and money stashed just in case.